Trailer Time! The Don 2 Teaser Is Finally Here...

It seems not that long ago that Shahrukh Khan and Farhan Akhtar took a fairly tight, if somewhat dated looking, Amitabh Bacchan classic and decided to 'update' it for a 'modern' audience (the air quotes means I am judging you, audience that is nodding along). Well, if that film blew your mind, you're in luck... Don 2 is here, and it looks like it's going to (ahem) blow just as hard...

Like the faint odor of sewage that reminds you of that time the septic tank flooded, the new trailer for Don 2 unveiled this week takes me back to the giddy days of winter circa 2006, when the revamped, reimagined Don stormed onto the big screen on the back of the kind of hype you'd expect if the Royal Wedding had sex with a Lady Gaga concert tour. Of course, it also most likely set some sort of record for the shortest time taken to make the entire journey from slick, sexy action thriller to smelly, runny dog turd. Lets face it, it was a very stylish, expensive looking film that had lines so corny they gave you indigestion and acting so hammy you could serve it on Christmas (and feed entire villages). Why do I bring this up now you ask? Well, because with almost five years to reflect on just how badly they had soiled their cinematic underpants the first time, Team Don seem to have learned a sum total of zero. Don't believe me? Here's the trailer (We shall reconvene on the other side...)

Ok, so what's wrong with this picture you ask? Well, this is the teaser trailer that they are going to use to get people excited about the film, so it's concerning that after sorting through two and a half hours of film, they couldn't fill a 90 second promo without a few seconds of Shahrukh just idly cycling down a city street! Then of course there is the bored voiceover, which makes a rather unsubtle threat towards critics like moi ("Mere dushman sochte thay main ab kabhi vaapis nahi aunga"), and the fact that the title cards look like they belong to a crass Akshay Kumar comedy ('get ready for the return of the king', anyone?).

But hey, maybe my instincts are wrong. I don't know. Maybe the trailer makes sense in context, and I'm just missing the larger point. Heck, maybe the bicycle scene is part of some exciting chase sequence that establishes Don's latest criminal enterprise - selling stolen kiddie bikes. Maybe the voiceover will sound less personally threatening once we establish that he is, in fact, referring to the gang of bicycle thieving street urchins that he's just replaced. Maybe Akshay Kumar makes a cameo as Lucky Singh (that would be AWESOME!).

I mean, don't get me wrong. The car chases, stunts and explosions look hecka cool. And I am very happy that Shahrukh is stepping out of his 'Karan Johar Spring/Summer Ethnic Chic Fashion Show' comfort zone into full fledged action-hero mode (check out the Ra.One teaser here). But just like with the first Don reboot, I can't help but get the sinking feeling that if all the good stuff can most likely fill a 90 second trailer and still leave time for an idle bike ride, then I'm probably better off rewatching the trailer 60-70 times on a continuous loop than plonking down good money to see this turkey in the theater. Of course, that doesn't mean you won't see us in line waiting for tickets on a cold Christmas morning, right Anj?